Frequently asked Questions
- Why did you choose such a horrible background colour for your website?
- I liked it (and anyway, we've changed it now!)
- Does anyone really cook from those recipes you display?
- Yes, we all do, but we accept no liability if you try one and die.
- I'd like to become a 'Newton' too. How do I do this?
- The only ways to become a 'Newton' are to be born one or to marry one.
Either of these options is a pretty high price to pay for the privilege of participating
in bizarre hat-wearing rituals. My advice is to forget it and start your own family.
- How many 'Newtons' are actually out there?
- Honestly, nobody knows, and simply going through the telephone book will not furnish
you with the answer. Our geneology (genealogy? how does one spell that?) is extremely complex (not to mention dubious), and
it is easier to recognise us by our odd habits and strange tribal behaviour than by our names.
- Why do you like wearing silly matching hats?
- It's a Newton thing. I can't explain.
- Where are tribes of the Newton diaspora currently known to exist?
- Newtons have been sighted recently in Great Britain, the USA, and Germany, and there are
presumed to be lost tribes in Canada and Australia.
Basically, Newtons are adventurous and foolhardy, and could decide to
go almost anywhere for no particularly good reason, often accidentally dying on the way. As far
as we know, no Newton has yet made it into space.
- Why do you try to blackmail each other online?
- Because we have a fundamental misunderstanding of the workings of e-commerce.
