New 'Newtons' discovered

From 10th September, 2000

A hitherto unknown branch of the Newton Diaspora has been revealed living, apparently, quite near the North Pole. For all those anthropologists trying to keep up with Newtonian events and breakthroughs, these new 'Newtons', who have been going under the Pseudonym of 'Taylor' for some generations, have proven their indisputable authenticity through possession of the following Newtonian characteristics:

• They are not shy! They came right out and contacted us in a message addressed to the 'Notorious Newton Clan' (a regal salutation, I must say!).
• They tell outrageous lies about themselves! These 'Taylors' claim to work for Santa Claus, when any Newton knows that he only employs gnomes and dwarves.
• They like wearing the same hats! This fact alone is considered as evidence enough for inclusion in the diaspora.

This leads one to consider, in a typically ruminative manner, how many other lost 'Newtons' might be out there, oblivious to the rich traditions and practices of a whole far-flung tribe on offer to them. How happy they must be!

Swiftly changing the subject ...

... Mum has become increasingly circumspect about her activities since we started posting her every move on the Web. Therefore, I am only able to mention the 'Carpark Carnage' incident as hearsay, because no photographic evidence is available:
The gist of the story is as follows: Mum, apparently goaded on by some grandchildren, went on a motorised rampage through a filled carpark after an afternoon viewing of 'Pokémon'. Many cars were wrecked and extras squashed, but Mum's Hum V suffered only a single scratch, which Dad was able to polish out the next morning, instead of going to church.

We hope to resume the full 'Mum Exploit' service as soon as possible.