New Year's Newtonia 01.01.01
From 1st January, 2001
So there you go. We all appear, perhaps unexpectedly, to have survived another year.
The most important question on all your minds, we are sure, is, 'why have we heard nothing from
those notorious self-publicists, the Newtonia.Org guys, for nearly three months?' The answer is simple:
we have been travelling and, of course, selflessly spending every spare moment of our time fine-tuning
this special New Year's edition of Newtonia.Org to its present level of near-perfection!
What awaits the avid reader of our humble pages in 2001? What new and exciting features, beyond the already
rich palette of journalistic professionalism, can he or she expect? Allow us to suspend the suspense and get on
with the goodies! Here is the list of new bits:
- Travel: Please believe us - we did not visit these locations for pleasure. Instead, our aim was to provide
you, gentle reader, with insights into places you might prefer not to visit yourselves. Let this new section be
a warning to you.
- Cars: As you know, all Newtons have a passion for cars, most especially for whichever car they happen
to own at the time of writing. This long-awaited new section allows any Newton to boast about his, or her,
particular vehicle's prowess.
- Email! Yes, our email is up and running. You can contact us to say what you think of the Newtonia.Org site,
and read what (very few) other people have already said to us.
- Recipes: there is an all-new American section, dedicated to sweet things!
There are, of course, many other improvements and refinements that we will leave you to find for yourselves.
But now, as always when nearing the end of our introductory editorial, we present the latest outrageous
Mum exploit!
This exploit is particularly shocking. The scene of complete and utter destruction captured in the photo below
depicts the remains of a brand new hotel in Spain that Mum and Roy were staying at. (As if we needed further evidence
that English yobbos should not be allowed to leave the country to vandalise the continent.) Mum, and a suspiciously
reticent Roy, both maintain (implausibly as ever) that they were merely out for an evening stroll when the hotel 'just
sort of fell down, all on its own'. A likely story!
Finally, despite his natural modesty and shyness, the Newtonian WebMaster was recently forced to attend a wedding,
where, inevitably, he was caught by the local paparazzi while nuzzling a strange woman (don't worry - she turned out
to be 'Madame'). Press here for full disclosure:
